A Confused Kiss

     When Hans first moved here from Germany, I barely knew him since I was a year below and we shared no classes.  But he became my quick friend due to a single interest: running.  He was one of the fastest boys I had ever seen, and ran with a kind of grace that made six miles seem like two steps.  I, too, was a running addict, but I doubt anyone could have matched his speed.  Even though he was very proficient in English, we made an even stronger connection in the fact that we both spoke German; my grandfather was to thank for this fact, mostly out of his arrogant pride.  It was uncanny how many interests we shared, and hard not to gain a sincere respect and liking for him.  He soon became that one person in my life I could confide in, knowing his opinion of me wouldn't change.  

     This fact didn't change even the day I learned of his secret.  We were out running close to sunset, and it was quickly getting dark.  I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw him covered in what appeared to be a fine grey fur.  I reached to stop him, and realized that it was no illusion.  His skin was coated with soft hairs, and his eyes glowed with a golden color which mirrored the falling sun.  I didn't know what to think, but he didn't even seem to realize that he had changed until he began to wave his hand in front of my face to snap me back into reality.  He looked incredibly worried as he reverted to his human form.  As I remained in shock, he tried to clarify what had just happened, and finally revealed that he was a type of lycanthrope: a werewolf.  At that point, I had no idea what to believe.  We just stayed there in the middle of the road as his disclosure raced through my mind.  It sunk in not even a second later that it didn't matter: he was still my closest friend and nothing about who he was was going to make me dislike him.

     There was one time I thought I had lost his friendship, though.

     Again, we had been running late into the night when it was coolest.  He wasn't hesitant to stay in his half-form; he always seemed more comfortable that way, and it wasn’t likely anyone was going to see either of us on the back roads clearly.  However, he didn't much feel like heading back to his house, which was a good four miles from where we were that night.  So I graciously offered to let him stay the night at my house, and he accepted.  My house was fairly small, being in a more undeveloped region of the city.  That didn't serve to be a problem though, since I still had an extra bed and he didn't have any qualms with sharing a room.

     Everyone had already gone to bed but it was far from quiet, what with all the fans running in the house and my father snoring violently in the living room.  As soon as we reached my room I fell upon my bed in exhaustion, embracing the cool covers.  Hans examined the second bed and flopped down upon it with a relieved sigh, but neither of us could really sleep.  I could hear him tossing, unable to get comfortable.  It was a very warm night, and we were fairly sore from the trip.

     Somehow, I brought myself out of the bed and I walked over to where he was lying.  We preferred to run shirtless, and I could see the fine strands of his glossy coat shine on his exposed back in what little light there was.  I didn't realize was I was doing -- or at least I'd tricked myself into thinking that -- but I ran my hand across his soft back, which was radiating with heat.  I could feel him stir a little, and I froze in place.  His eyes remained closed, so I continued to stroke him.  He let out a content breath, and grinned enough that I could barely see it in the darkness.  I don't know why I was doing it, and it should have been very awkward for both of us, especially what happened next.

     I raised my leg over him, placed it by his side and knelt upon the bed, sitting slightly below his waist and being careful not to discomfort his tail.  His luscious back lay in front of me.  His eyes snapped open and I almost stopped when I saw the sparking gold in them, but as soon as I started to rub his tense back they drooped shut again.  I could feel every firm muscle under his skin, every breath he took, even his sturdy heartbeat throbbing through him.  I felt like I was in a trance as I slowly kneaded the entirety of his back with such care.  Time seemed to melt away into nothingness.  Soon his body began to slow down as he approached blissful unconsciousness, being as intoxicated with the movement of my hands as I was with the feel of him.  They didn't want to remove themselves from the relief he provided them.  I liked being able to comfort him; I think I needed to be able to do so.

     However, in the next moment it had taken a wrong turn.  I found myself leaning towards him, and I pressed my lips against his cheek.  I couldn't stop myself: he was still soothingly warm and I felt connected to him more than ever.  Suddenly he snapped to, and realizing what was happening he twisted around and threw me roughly to the floor.  I landed upon my back, and having the wind knocked out of me I could do nothing but stare at his flustered face.  Embarrassment misted my eyes over, but I could tell that I had really offended him.  I couldn't believe I had just done that, and I sincerely thought I had just ruined our friendship.  The moment refused to stop playing over and over in my head.  I had never felt an attraction for another boy before, and the very notion made me feel sick inside.  What appalled me the most was that I couldn't even apologize to him.  By that, I mean that I was sorry for what I did, but deep down I felt no remorse for the care that kiss symbolized.

     Hans, still furious, got out of bed and started heading for the door.  The knob rested under his hand as he stopped and was plagued by the same repetitive playbacks of the incident.  Finally, he broke the excruciating pause by turning around and offering his hand to me. I suddenly began to ramble uncontrollably about not knowing what I was doing, not meaning to offend him, and reassuring him that I didn't like him in that way.  He silenced me with a smile, reassuring me that it was all right.  I was so relieved that I felt like laughing, but he beat me to it.  With the adrenaline still diffusing through my blood I wished him good night, went back to my bed and feel asleep instantly.

     I didn't tell him, but it had been the first time I had kissed anyone else.  And it was special to me in that it had been him.